I am writing this to test this fact to the limit. I know I can do it. Single minded focus is what my brother always said. So, standing by that let me see whether all of this channels out into any constructive.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
The mind is like a intricate maze if we let it free all the time. So vast that we could stay lost in it forever, Smoking weed all day long does indeed further the cause, So you can be assured of total peace physically. Although mentally your mind would be running like the wind and plotting away to glory. Your actions would never become your words. Clinical and Scientific research has furthered this fact.
Self Destruction: The beast inside
When does a man self destruct.
There was a mad man who used to pile stones all day long, After the stones formed a neat pile he would pull out the base and watch the stones fall away. Every day he did this for many years. One day a traveler asked him why he did this. He simply replied that in our entire life we simply create what would be destroyed some day later. Everything and Everyone would one day be destroyed and men simply run behind that all their life. My actions reflect my thought.
I could never fathom the reason behind his actions. I appreciate the thought, but I failed to realize the gravity of it. My recent tryst with self destruction has thrown light to a very different side of my persona. My life also mirrored his actions, in essence exactly like a mad man. This is probably when a good man does throw everything away. It showed me a very lackadaisical and irresponsible side. There will always be moments to make life tough. We have to match up to this toughness. May be I am one of those people who simply does not want to be responsible for his actions or thoughts. Life will always knock you down. We choose to get back up or lie in the dust.
There was a mad man who used to pile stones all day long, After the stones formed a neat pile he would pull out the base and watch the stones fall away. Every day he did this for many years. One day a traveler asked him why he did this. He simply replied that in our entire life we simply create what would be destroyed some day later. Everything and Everyone would one day be destroyed and men simply run behind that all their life. My actions reflect my thought.
I could never fathom the reason behind his actions. I appreciate the thought, but I failed to realize the gravity of it. My recent tryst with self destruction has thrown light to a very different side of my persona. My life also mirrored his actions, in essence exactly like a mad man. This is probably when a good man does throw everything away. It showed me a very lackadaisical and irresponsible side. There will always be moments to make life tough. We have to match up to this toughness. May be I am one of those people who simply does not want to be responsible for his actions or thoughts. Life will always knock you down. We choose to get back up or lie in the dust.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The different life
It is a reality check to see once long lost friends, people I looked down upon at school. I berated these people for being too nerdy or bookish. Today when I see these people do better than me, It actually forces me to realize that I might have been ignorant. I used to think that these people would probably have a dull life full of boredom. They would sit behind a computer in some Multinational and work, be engineers, Scientists, doctors and so on, my views have been flipped about and i have been forced to introspect. My life has taken me through so many twists and turns that I have understood the hard way. I had these crazy visions about a life so different from what it would be for my friends. Maybe my indecisiveness and my flippant attitude towards life has cost me a chance at making my life early, so when most of my friends are out there struggling with real life issues, i on the contrary am still locked in a debate about my future, don't get me wrong its not as if i did not graduate at all. The sad and real fact that stares us down in this particular country I live in forces me to be educated, or earn a truck load of money and do whatever I feel is right. What really vexes me is that even after I finished my graduation, I still fail to understand what I take away from it. My degree for me is not a proof of my learning rather it is a document that I had to fight with myself. I know my frivolous nature, the surprising fact is that somehow I let it drag on , even though I pondered many a times about leaving my Grads halfway, the people in my life really pushed me towards it, Coaxing me and telling me that it is a document of real importance. I looked it at like a bitter pill that I pinched my nose and swallowed with a glass of water. Don't get me wrong, I want to thank all the people who pushed me to finish it. What they made me look at was the fact that when a person runs a 1000 meter race, one does not stop when he/she is just 100 odd meters away from the finish line. The funny thing is that I really am at a very different position in my life than what designs people had for me, and I realized that I got what I had wished for: the different life.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
What is the question
To many of us living life out there, a series of questions that may dwell in a mind. The best part about "juggling too many thoughts at a time' as quoted by a friend, is that there is no central idea binding you to a thought, rather than a process of ideas, skimming through your mind so fast that you feel the revolution of the earth. At that particular instant you are tethered to the corner of your own mind, however the exhiliriation mentioned is unprecidented. Try and make sense of this?
Sunday, July 11, 2010
New World Champions
Tonight the match is going to be exciting, football lovers all around the globe will be watching the match. Whether the Dutch, come away with the greatest prize of the footballing world or will they succumb to the Spanish armada?? that remains to be seen. Either way we are going to witness something special, with the dutch style of efficient football vs the technically sublime skills of a certain Xavi, Iniesta and the prolific David Villa. I remember when Spain was in the Euro cup final and they managed to end Germany's run and they did it once again in the Semi finals, Spain is going to be a tough team to beat and Netherlands will have to close down on their Midfield quickly, likewise even Spain need to really to concentrate on the punishing pair of Robben and Sneijder, these players can really make a difference, although i personally feel that Nigel De Jong's return is only going to bolster the already tough Dutch holding midfield. I personally favour the Spanish but the Dutch team really look top notch, the only reason for concern is Robin Van Persie, who it seems has left his scoring boots back in Amsterdam. Even El Nino's form and place in the time can be questioned, as he has hardly showcased any of the tenacity of the Euro cup 2008. Conclusion; Expect Fireworks, Its going to be an extremely intense final and my advice is that we should all watch history in the making.
Addiction the enemy within
Addiction is described, as ‘a deep seated personality disorder, whereby the person develops a chemical dependency on a mood altering substance and loses the ability, to think logically and reasonably, which consequently leads to chemical insanity’.
An addict is a man or a woman, whose entire life and thinking, revolves around drugs, in one form or another- the getting and using, and finding ways and means to get more. Simply put”An addict uses drugs to live and lives to use drugs”.
Addiction begins with occasional use and swiftly escalates into a problem. Any prospective addict becomes addicted to primarily, the substance and the allied patterns of behaviour that contribute to the urge to repeatedly use in an attempt to relive the first “high” the addict experienced
Normally, an addict has an ICE, impulsive, compulsive and excessive personality. An addict is fanatical, reckless and fixated. This same personality facilitates the recurring use of the substance.
Most adolescents begin to take drugs for a variety of reasons, peer pressure, curiosity, and experimentation. Most teenagers pass through the experimentation stage without developing a drug abuse problem, but the remaining few are not so fortunate.
Talking to a few addicts, I remember one such addict shared in explicit detail about how he began to smoke weed.
‘When I had started, everything seemed fun, the freedom and rebellion, were the chief reasons to smoke up marijuana,
I first smoked weed out of curiosity, and I fell in love with the buzz I got from smoking up, I felt like I was in heaven, it was ecstasy. This high left a lasting impression on my mind. When I would initially smoke pot, I would smoke up once in a week or once in 4 days, slowly but steadily my need to smoke weed increased. I started to get stoned once in a day. I really thought that I was better person than I was without the weed; two months went by in a smoky haze and I over indulged in weed. I always searched for the very same buzz, I had experienced the first time I smoked pot, I would end up smoking weed everyday, and at all times yearning for this buzz. Everything else was irrelevant.
At some corner of my heart, I knew that I should quit smoking weed. I had started turning into a person whom, I did not want to become. However, the yearning for the buzz I got from smoking the weed was too intense. I remember, I tried to resist it and the more I resisted the more it persisted, and I ended up losing the war with weed, I could not manage my life’.
I also had the opportunity to speak to a smack addict. He had slightly different experiences to the weed addict and shared his experiences with us;
‘When I first smoked brown sugar, I was already hooked onto weed. However, the buzz I got from smoke brown sugar was better than the buzz I got from smoking weed, and it seemed as though my mind had registered the high and had subconsciously ridiculed the effects of weed, I knew at that very moment; Smack was the drug I wanted to indulge in. I had to have it at all costs.
I included smack in my daily routine of getting stoned, I loved to smoke smack. I started to look down upon weed as a pathetic drug, with a weaker buzz, compared to smack.
I used smack for about a year and I had lost almost half of my body weight, I lost my appetite and had started to appear malnourished. I got worried and decided that I would give smack up.
I tried on my own once, and I came face to face with physical craving; I was experiencing it for the first time. I was in pain; I felt as if someone had burnt a hole in my intestines, my entire body was on fire. I was terrified and very confused as to what was happening to me, I tried every way of numbing the pain, I smoked weed, I had a quarter of whisky to try and numb the pain, finally I met another smack addict who had been using for years and he told me that if I would just smoke one piece of smack the pain would cease. I was delirious with the pain and wanting to put an end to it, I ended up smoking 3 pieces of smack.
Later in my life I came to regret not living through the pain that fateful day, As I had suffered the terrible pain of withdrawing from smack, I resigned to the fact that I could never summon the strength to live through that pain and gave up on the idea of quitting brown sugar, I had turned into a slave for brown sugar.
When I look back in hindsight I can safely say that the pain of withdrawing was a lesser than the pain of continuing to smoke smack.’
Talking to a few other addicts who shared similar experiences, I had arrived at the conclusion, though every addict has a distinct story about how it began, and the experiences may be different, however, all these addicts share similar patterns of drug abuse and behaviour. In the end though, every addict has the same thing in common; ‘the drugs’.
An addict is a man or a woman, whose entire life and thinking, revolves around drugs, in one form or another- the getting and using, and finding ways and means to get more. Simply put”An addict uses drugs to live and lives to use drugs”.
Addiction begins with occasional use and swiftly escalates into a problem. Any prospective addict becomes addicted to primarily, the substance and the allied patterns of behaviour that contribute to the urge to repeatedly use in an attempt to relive the first “high” the addict experienced
Normally, an addict has an ICE, impulsive, compulsive and excessive personality. An addict is fanatical, reckless and fixated. This same personality facilitates the recurring use of the substance.
Most adolescents begin to take drugs for a variety of reasons, peer pressure, curiosity, and experimentation. Most teenagers pass through the experimentation stage without developing a drug abuse problem, but the remaining few are not so fortunate.
Talking to a few addicts, I remember one such addict shared in explicit detail about how he began to smoke weed.
‘When I had started, everything seemed fun, the freedom and rebellion, were the chief reasons to smoke up marijuana,
I first smoked weed out of curiosity, and I fell in love with the buzz I got from smoking up, I felt like I was in heaven, it was ecstasy. This high left a lasting impression on my mind. When I would initially smoke pot, I would smoke up once in a week or once in 4 days, slowly but steadily my need to smoke weed increased. I started to get stoned once in a day. I really thought that I was better person than I was without the weed; two months went by in a smoky haze and I over indulged in weed. I always searched for the very same buzz, I had experienced the first time I smoked pot, I would end up smoking weed everyday, and at all times yearning for this buzz. Everything else was irrelevant.
At some corner of my heart, I knew that I should quit smoking weed. I had started turning into a person whom, I did not want to become. However, the yearning for the buzz I got from smoking the weed was too intense. I remember, I tried to resist it and the more I resisted the more it persisted, and I ended up losing the war with weed, I could not manage my life’.
I also had the opportunity to speak to a smack addict. He had slightly different experiences to the weed addict and shared his experiences with us;
‘When I first smoked brown sugar, I was already hooked onto weed. However, the buzz I got from smoke brown sugar was better than the buzz I got from smoking weed, and it seemed as though my mind had registered the high and had subconsciously ridiculed the effects of weed, I knew at that very moment; Smack was the drug I wanted to indulge in. I had to have it at all costs.
I included smack in my daily routine of getting stoned, I loved to smoke smack. I started to look down upon weed as a pathetic drug, with a weaker buzz, compared to smack.
I used smack for about a year and I had lost almost half of my body weight, I lost my appetite and had started to appear malnourished. I got worried and decided that I would give smack up.
I tried on my own once, and I came face to face with physical craving; I was experiencing it for the first time. I was in pain; I felt as if someone had burnt a hole in my intestines, my entire body was on fire. I was terrified and very confused as to what was happening to me, I tried every way of numbing the pain, I smoked weed, I had a quarter of whisky to try and numb the pain, finally I met another smack addict who had been using for years and he told me that if I would just smoke one piece of smack the pain would cease. I was delirious with the pain and wanting to put an end to it, I ended up smoking 3 pieces of smack.
Later in my life I came to regret not living through the pain that fateful day, As I had suffered the terrible pain of withdrawing from smack, I resigned to the fact that I could never summon the strength to live through that pain and gave up on the idea of quitting brown sugar, I had turned into a slave for brown sugar.
When I look back in hindsight I can safely say that the pain of withdrawing was a lesser than the pain of continuing to smoke smack.’
Talking to a few other addicts who shared similar experiences, I had arrived at the conclusion, though every addict has a distinct story about how it began, and the experiences may be different, however, all these addicts share similar patterns of drug abuse and behaviour. In the end though, every addict has the same thing in common; ‘the drugs’.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Black and White
An Insider's Look
Taking a realistic and practical view to life seems like the toughest job on the planet. For the youth of today who think along the lines of "Everything will work out"and tend to really lay back and shirk away from all semblance of responsibility and accountability. One of my very good friends has always told me that life has its share of evrything, good or bad. The tendency to always percieve things in either black or white has left a lot of people feeling guilty or worthless, essentially low on self esteem, The key is to always remeber the imminent shades of gray in between the black or the white. For the black and the white is black or white because the society decided so. I personally feel that every person ought to take a deep look into his life when one begins to doubt his/her own motives. As long as a person decides to accept that life will have its share of black & white and gray it becomes easier for anyone to centre him/herself and to take a calculated decision.
Taking a realistic and practical view to life seems like the toughest job on the planet. For the youth of today who think along the lines of "Everything will work out"and tend to really lay back and shirk away from all semblance of responsibility and accountability. One of my very good friends has always told me that life has its share of evrything, good or bad. The tendency to always percieve things in either black or white has left a lot of people feeling guilty or worthless, essentially low on self esteem, The key is to always remeber the imminent shades of gray in between the black or the white. For the black and the white is black or white because the society decided so. I personally feel that every person ought to take a deep look into his life when one begins to doubt his/her own motives. As long as a person decides to accept that life will have its share of black & white and gray it becomes easier for anyone to centre him/herself and to take a calculated decision.
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